Can you say, Bad????

 I had a really bad day. I did not make good decisions, and I let myself be enabled by my hub, who brought me pringles from the store, out of habit. He didnt mean to. lol So I kind of just blew the rest of my day.  Then as I sit here, feeling like a complete hypocrite, I am reminded of why I am doing this. Yes, I want to be healthy!, Yes, I want to be a grandmother! Yes, I want to be sexy! I want all of those things, but I never want to be embarrassed about my body ever again. I am going to share something, so bear with me.
 Last month I had 2 appointments, one at a doctors office, and one with a tax office. The doctors office was my first appt, I had to take my kids to get there eyes checked, when I walked in of course I had paper work to fill out. I looked at the waiting room, and saw the chairs, with arms. Ughhh I knew I was going to have to try fitting into one. I did not fit comfortably, my hips are rolling out of the sides of the chairs, and digging in causing me pain. I sit with a smile on my face, because I do not want to embarrass my children. As soon as i filled out the info they needed I got up, and was like lets go look at frames (eye doc). A couple of weeks later appt number 2. My hub and I walk in to office, and there are at least 10 people in a very small waiting room. We find out the computers had went down, and we needed to stay until they got them back up, because they coouldn't get us another appt until tada the computers come back up. Guess what kind of chairs they had, oh yes the horrible armed ones just like the eye office. I choose to stand and let my hub sit, saying I feel like standing. The secretary brings me her chair and say here take this, I shouldn't be standing. I try to assure I am fine, but no this woman is really trying to be nice. Well I try to get into this thing with EVERYONE staring at me. I felt like crying, but I didn't, as I always make light of things, I make a joke, allowing everyone to laugh, and no one had to feel bad, except for me, but just on the inside. A few minutes later the secretary brought me an office chair with no arms, and whispers, I am sorry try this. Cause no one was going to notice i was switching chairs. I made another joke, and switched.
 I hate this!!!! I don't want to be like this anymore. I know things aren't going to change over night, but i do need to get a handle on this.
 I promise to do a lil better everyday, and not to beat myself for making mistakes, and not using mistakes as an excuse to really screw up. I know its gonna be hard, cause i have been stuffing my feelings a long with my face for a very long time.
 So thanks for letting me ramble..... Tomorrow shines bright