Dealing with it

 I haven't been posting, cause my internet is down...It's weird how much I depend on it, I am bored to death without it. lol  I have been doing well. Still holding at 313...thats 30 pounds down yo!!! lol I need to get back on it, but I have been a lil depressed. I have however started a new job, that I think I will like. I hated the WMart. Although I will be around food all of the time, I will have plenty of healthy choices, so now it is time for will power, which I am beginning to think I have more of than I thought. so YAY....
 Bear with me, my net should be working in a few days..Lord willing. Everyone take care, and say ur prayers...Bless somebody :)

It's A New Day

I woke up this morning...slowly.... :)  I did not get the work out done I wanted to get in this morning, but thats ok, I will do it when i get home from work. I have to figure out some kind of schedule, for myself. The almighty They, say if you do something 21 times, it becomes a habit. Now to figure out what is the first thing I want to be come a good habit.  I think honestly, going to bed at a certain time, early time, is what I need for my first good habit. So tonight I will try to have all of my things done, so I can be in bed no later than 10, this will be a huge deal for me, because I stay up way to late, and then when I have to get up early for the kids, and school, I struggle the rest of the day. So 10pm it is. Day 1, Action Sleep .LOL
 I do have a plan today for eating, it is so sad that I think about what I am going to eat, almost every minute of the day, but it is what it is. I have done well so far, and I think if I stick to the plan I will be ok today. :)
 Holy Moses!!! I have to go to work...C-ya friends...oh and P.S. did ya'' know that right now Weight Watchers online is free to join!!!! I am gonna look into it. :)

Can you say, Bad????

 I had a really bad day. I did not make good decisions, and I let myself be enabled by my hub, who brought me pringles from the store, out of habit. He didnt mean to. lol So I kind of just blew the rest of my day.  Then as I sit here, feeling like a complete hypocrite, I am reminded of why I am doing this. Yes, I want to be healthy!, Yes, I want to be a grandmother! Yes, I want to be sexy! I want all of those things, but I never want to be embarrassed about my body ever again. I am going to share something, so bear with me.
 Last month I had 2 appointments, one at a doctors office, and one with a tax office. The doctors office was my first appt, I had to take my kids to get there eyes checked, when I walked in of course I had paper work to fill out. I looked at the waiting room, and saw the chairs, with arms. Ughhh I knew I was going to have to try fitting into one. I did not fit comfortably, my hips are rolling out of the sides of the chairs, and digging in causing me pain. I sit with a smile on my face, because I do not want to embarrass my children. As soon as i filled out the info they needed I got up, and was like lets go look at frames (eye doc). A couple of weeks later appt number 2. My hub and I walk in to office, and there are at least 10 people in a very small waiting room. We find out the computers had went down, and we needed to stay until they got them back up, because they coouldn't get us another appt until tada the computers come back up. Guess what kind of chairs they had, oh yes the horrible armed ones just like the eye office. I choose to stand and let my hub sit, saying I feel like standing. The secretary brings me her chair and say here take this, I shouldn't be standing. I try to assure I am fine, but no this woman is really trying to be nice. Well I try to get into this thing with EVERYONE staring at me. I felt like crying, but I didn't, as I always make light of things, I make a joke, allowing everyone to laugh, and no one had to feel bad, except for me, but just on the inside. A few minutes later the secretary brought me an office chair with no arms, and whispers, I am sorry try this. Cause no one was going to notice i was switching chairs. I made another joke, and switched.
 I hate this!!!! I don't want to be like this anymore. I know things aren't going to change over night, but i do need to get a handle on this.
 I promise to do a lil better everyday, and not to beat myself for making mistakes, and not using mistakes as an excuse to really screw up. I know its gonna be hard, cause i have been stuffing my feelings a long with my face for a very long time.
 So thanks for letting me ramble..... Tomorrow shines bright

Good Morning

 I woke up this morning...SORE lol  Which I think is great. yay I have a full day of laundry ahead of me. I showed my daughter the Just Dance video game this morning and she said she would def play it with me. My sister in law has been storing and exercise bike at my house, so since it is here i think I am gonna move it into the living room, and use it. I figure why not right.
When i got up this morning, out of habit I just fixed myself something to eat, 2 sausage sandwiches. Not good i know.  I was like good grief 2 patties has 38 grams of fat. sheesh And I feel bad. I need to stock my house with some better choices. We have so much junk in this house from Christmas it is ridiculous.  My hands feel swollen which I am sure is from the salt in the patties, and my morning Diet mt Dew. I have alot of habits I need to break.
Any way, I am going to go get my first bottle of water started, maybe it will help clear out this bloated feeling.
I am gonna post again later, cause I feel like I need to hold myself accountable for everything.
Off to fold some clothes!!!!!!!!!!1

First day over

 So, I think I did ok today, not the best, not the worst. I did the Zumba Wii game, or I tried too. That thing is hard. LOL So I did the Just Dance game and I found that fun. I did 6 songs, so thats better than just sitting.  I also did some ping pong. FUN
 I am gonna try to drink more water tommorow, or I guess i should say today. My goal for tuesday is 3 bottles of water.
 Well, Im going to bed, cause imma tired. :)

Good night friends....till the next time

The Beginning

 I begin today. I am excited, but I am also fearful of  failing like I have so many times before. But i guess I need to be more positive. So I will be. I did some reading last night about healthy caloric intake and normal fat grams. I think I am gonna start with trying to be more aware with portion control. I binge eat, so I know if I try to start counting calories and fat grams in the beginning, I will give up. Because when I start like that I end up starved to death. So portion control it is.
 Also I need to start tapering off the diet soda. Water...ughhhh, not a fan LOL I am definitely gonna drink more though. lol Plus I think protein is key. So more protein!!!!
  Have i rambled enough for everyone this morning???? LOL I am nervous, plus I gotta go to work here in a bit.
 Wish me luck, and common sense for today. :) Will post again later, I will warn you, this page may be used for me venting quite a bit!!!! ;)
  GO ME!!!!!

Christmas Surprise!!!!!

 So I get up this morning to help Santa, oh yeah if you didn't know I am a Santa helper, have been  for years. ;)
After my kids open gifts, I go to the kitchen and continue the cooking I had been doing for hours. My daughter comes in, and starts yapping, and I see the scale under the hutch. I was like, get that for me will ya???? So I tap it then get on......I weigh 318!!!! I thought i weighed 343!!!!!!!!!!! The last time I weighed was about 4 weeks ago, and I had cried cause that is the biggest I have ever been, and I am to big to use the Wii thing my husband had gotten for me. So 18 pounds and I can totally use it!!!!!!!!!!! Merry Christmas to me!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooo Hooos!!
 I Want to succeed at this so badly...I know its hard, and I know I will stumble, but I really want this!!!!

Till next time <3 <3